Experience by Serena Williams, Oregon Area
In June of last year I finally graduated from the University of Oregon
with
my biology degree. This was the culmination of years of dreams and hard
work, and after 13 years of attending school off and on, I was ready to be
finished. I sent out invitations, bought the cap and gown, went through
both
ceremonies and had a party. However, when it was all over, I felt somehow
let down. I was overwhelmed by everyone asking me, "So now what?" I had
not been accepted to medical school as I had originally planned and I had
no
idea what to do next. I thought about joining the Peace Corps, working for
Planned Parenthood, moving to Seattle and all sorts of things, but I
couldn’t
seem to get anything really started for myself. I wanted something to come
along that would give me a sense of purpose and some direction, but I
didn’t
know where to begin. I had received my Gohonzon April 18, and I thought I
was practicing very well. I chanted morning and evening gongyo, and I was
trying to chant at least an hour of daimoku each day. I was chanting that
my
situation would change, and that I would find some kind of work that was
meaningful to me.
Somehow, nothing was helping. I worked as a courier for a local medical
group,
but it was only half-time, and my financial situation was growing
desperate. I
was unable to pay my rent or any of my bills, and the money I received for
graduation didn’t last long. I became very deeply depressed. I was
sleeping 12-14
hours each night and was ill several different times, and I truly was
stuck in feeling
sorry for myself. I believed that I had worked very hard, and that I
deserved to
have some success, and that it should come to me.
This went on until August, when I attended the Oregon Area Women’s Retreat
at
the coast. I was one of the very few YWD there, and I felt very out of
place when
I first arrived. It ended up being the best place I could be. Listening
to the other
members’ experiences and guidance was amazing and it seemed to bring me
out of
my fog. Kathy MacDougall spoke and left me with an image that
dramatically
improved my practice. She spoke of how our Buddha nature lies at the core
of our
being, beneath all of the layers of our conscience, unconscience, and so
on. She
described chanting to the Gohonzon as reaching down through all of those
layers to
draw out our Buddha nature, like a fountain. The last speaker of the
weekend was
Mrs. Magee, who had overcome breast cancer in six months by her faith in
this
practice. This was the most amazing story to me, and I left the retreat
thinking that if
she had found the power within herself by chanting to overcome adversity
like that ,
I could begin to look inside myself to get out of my depression.
When I returned to Eugene, I started actually job hunting. I wrote up a
resume, started
reading the classifieds, visited the employment office, and so on. I was
able to find a
job filling for Sacred Heart, but I was still miserable. I began
visualizing myself
helping people as I was chanting, and tried to really chant from my heart,
envisioning
the Buddha nature coming up through all those layers. I stopped trying to
chant for so
long at one time, since I wasn’t being able to concentrate the whole time
anyway, but
really tried to chant while connecting with the Buddha nature within me
and the Gohonzon
in front of me. Some amazing things began to happen. I received a phone
call from
Planned Parenthood that they were hiring and wanted me to apply, since
they had heard
such good things from one of the doctors I worked with. I wrote the cover
letter of my
life, and was actually called for an interview. I have never been so
nervous about an
interview in my life, but I did well and actually got the job. I have been
working there
for two months now as a clinic assistant, and it is fantastic. They spent
a whole month
training me to do the job, and I am able to actually help people every
day. Some of the
clients are in very high-risk situations, but I try to ive them a positive
experience that
will hopefully someday help them get out of these. The most important
message I have
for them is what I’ve finally started to learn—they are responsible for
their own lives,
and can make their lives as wonderful as they decide them to be.