Man Eats Golden Gate Bridge

In what must be called a historic event, a man visiting the Golden Gate Bridge chose to take a bite. The man, Shane Carney, 21, was visiting the bridge with a group of friends.
The group decided to visit the bridge prior to getting lunch, leaving Carney hungry. As he looked around the area, he decided that the Golden Gate Bridge looked like the best thing to eat.
"I have to admit that at first the bridge looked a little dirty and probably filled with carbs," Carney said. "After I thought about it for a long time, at least three or four seconds, I decided to go ahead and go for it."
Police are currently investigating the meal and trying to decide if they can charge Carney with vandalism. Over a million dollars in damage were done with the giant bite.
"I'm sorry about the damages, but if they didn't want someone to eat the bridge, then they shouldn't have made it look so darn delicious," Carney said.
There appeared to be no major injuries or deaths involved with the meal, but some large "crumbs" did fall into the San Francisco Bay. Witnesses to the event were more in shock than anything else.
"My eyes almost popped out of my head," said Justin Time. "I was driving across the bridge when this guy takes a giant bite out of it. After seeing him do it though, I parked my car and tried a piece myself. The bridge is delicious, especially with a little honey barbecue sauce."
Almost 400 other onlookers felt the same way as Carney and Time as they began slathering the bridge with ketchup, mustard and everything else you can imagine. While no one caused nearly the amount of damage as Carney's giant bite, police are looking into charging multiple people with misdemeanors for breaking the bridge biting code.
Over 100 members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Bridges gathered outside of Carney's home this morning to protest his actions and demand jail time.

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