Jokes
EMERGENCY
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
JUGGLING ACT
A Cop pulled a car over for speeding.
When the Cop asked the driver why he was traveling 95mph, the driver answered that he was a juggler on his way to do a show for a birthday party and didn't want to be late.
The Cop told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Cop that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The Cop told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car, and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the Cop got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.
A drunk got out, watched the performance briefly, went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The Cop observed him doing this, and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well haul my butt to jail, cause there's NO way I’ll pass that test."
