Asha {Hope}

They say childhood is the most beautiful of all the seasons of life and looking back you feel like starting it all over again. I however do not have clear recollections of my childhood. But I am tempted to believe that my childhood was every bit as happy as it could have been, I would like to think that I grew up getting all the affection and love from my family that I could. And I was supported by them in all the important decisions of my life. 
 

Every child is special for her parents but I was considered special by everyone else as well. I was intellectually-challenged. I had learning disabilities and lacked proper adaptive social behaviour. I took longer than average to communicate, but it didn't take me long to realize the important role that the society plays in the development of an individual's character and personality. In retrospect, I understand that individuals may not be important to the society, but society is very important to individuals. Children like me have a relatively more difficult time coming to terms with these harsh realities. In some cases, children who might otherwise have a normal life, sometimes develop learning disabilities because of the conditions they are brought up in. I was willing to try hard and was fortunate in terms of meeting a lot of people who took an interest in me and my struggles. 
 

If you are different, you have to go the extra mile before you can be accepted. Acceptance, might be scorned upon by most achievers, but for me it was a prerequisite for success. Even though I was never given any direct indications that I cannot be successful and thus become part of the fabric of society,  I was able to feel the presence of a wall that was keeping me out– maybe I was just self conscious, though I sometimes think if I should be blamed for that. Some kind of resistance - may be people wanted to keep their distance from me because they didn't want any liabilities or maybe they wanted to ease my suffering. I never understood them. They never understood me. I didn't know what life had in store for me but I was excited when I thought about the possibilities. 
 

There was a light of hope. I was hoping to live in a world where I could explore things without the fear of failure or the greed of rewards, the need for confirmation or acceptance, a world where I could take my own decisions. I didn't want anyone to underestimate me. Probably people worried about my fate and what will I become tomorrow, how I would sustain myself in this world where people much more capable than me were fighting for a livelihood? I was living each of those moments. I had my dreams and ambitions. It might not have been significant for others but it gave me enough satisfaction in accomplishing small things. I was discovering myself. May be the society needed to re-evaluate its benchmarks of success. 
 

Time flew and suddenly one day little things around me stopped being amusing.  I realized my childhood was over. I got used to of my existence. A new determination overtook me and slowly I was able to overcome the many difficulties that I had faced as a child. I was independent and I was happy. I was leading a respectable life by all means. All that was required from my side - was an attempt. Slowly I was being considered "normal" in society.     
 

But the reality is that every society wants to be more successful, more intelligent, and more cohesive. And have a set of rules to judge everyone by - They decide what is good what is not, who is normal and who is not. The society decides who deserves to live and who does not. Life for a girl like me would have been challenging, but…… As a matter of fact - the society took the easier way out and decided to ease my sufferings even before it started.