It’s that day of the week again! Come play kickball with us every Thursday
night this semester @ 9:30pm in (Senator Joseph)
McCarthy Quad. As always, if you have any questions,
or you have to come late but aren’t sure if we’re still there, feel free to call
the Official Kickball Hotline of Officialness (OK HO), 323.363.1179.
Seriously. Someone will pick up.
I know what some of you may be thinking... “Well, maybe next week. Nothing, oh, say,
bad would happen to me if I decided not to go...”
WRONG! Read on to find ACTUAL stories about ACTUAL people* who had their very
lives transformed over their decision to play or not to play:
*Actual stories about actual people may not actually be actual.
- “Susie” decided she was too cool for kickball and went surfboarding instead.
Four days later, she got a ‘B’ on a chemistry quiz. (dun dun DUNNNNN)
No wait, go back. It was a B MINUS.
- “Dr. Alexander Fleming” played kickball at USC in 1928.
Three hours later, he discovered Penicillin and won a Nobel Prize for Being Awesome.
- (“Annoying Know-It-All” emailed Aaron back and corrected him, stating
that Dr. Fleming actually won the 1945 Nobel Prize for Medicine, and that
furthermore, there was no Nobel Prize for Being Awesome.
He/she was mysteriously punched in the face.)
- “Pomegranate” worked on his essay instead of going to play kickball.
The very next day, his friends stopped liking him because they realized his
name was Pomegranate.
- “Sammy” came to play kickball, even though he had class all day.
Just three and a half months later, it was summer!
- “Emily” thought she would postpone coming to kickball until the next
week. Too bad there wasn’t a next week... in the TWILIGHT ZONE! Oooooh, burn.
- “Aaron” went to kickball every week. When he wasn’t playing kickball,
he wasted all of his time thinking about playing kickball, talking about
playing kickball, dreaming about playing kickball, and writing stupid
kickball messages.
Let’s see... good thing to put here... good thing that’s happened to
me attributable to kickball... unruly hair, no... failing all my classes,
no... lack of common sense and decency, no... Oh, screw you all. Just come
play with us.
© 2006 Aaron Kositsky & USC Kickball Club.
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