Writing 140: Craft
Handouts & Activities
Action Is Everything: Choosing Better Verbs*
Many important stylistic decisions begin with the verb. While there are no hard and fast rules for good style, we can make better decisions (about our writing) by acknowledging the cooperative nature of communication and by following the guidelines of relevance, proportion, and clarity.
Example 1:
Three conflicts, all of which play crucial roles in the plot, are evident over the course of the play.
What's at the core of this sentence? -"Three conflicts are evident." Not terribly informative, is it? Try again using another main verb:
Three conflicts, all of which play crucial roles in the plot, occur over the course of the story.
Better, but there's still no strong sense of action. Look for what's really happening in the sentence, and you'll discover that the "who is doing what" that you're looking for exists in the middle of the sentence. Here we find that conflicts "play" a crucial role in the plot.
Three conflicts play crucial roles in the plot.
You can be even more concise . . .
Three conflicts drive the plot.
By substituting "drive" for "play," we no longer need the noun "roles," the adjective "crucial," of the preposition "in." These words don't add anything important to the sentence, and may even detract from it. At five words rather than twenty-one, the revised sentence doesn't belabor or scant anything of importance in the original sentence.
Example 2:
The function of management is to be a watchdog for the shareholder.
Although "to be" is a perfectly good verb, it doesn't convey a strong sense of action. But by using the already on hand noun "function" as a verb, we can make the same point more straightforwardly.
Management functions as a watchdog for the shareholder.
But now there's a mismatch between noun and verb. We normally don't say that a watchdog "functions" - try another verb, like "acts."
Management acts as a watchdog for the shareholder.
Example 3:
There is opposition to the initiative among the majority of taxpayers.
One of my major pet-peeves . . . The first three words-a semantically empty "there," a form of "to be," and an abstract noun-get this sentence off to a slow start. Throw off the dead wood:
Most taxpayers are opposed to the initiative.
Now, make "oppose" the main verb:
Most taxpayers oppose the initiative.
Revise the following sentences by choosing new verbs:
1. The diaries are a depiction of the hypocrisy of that period.
2. The memorandum contains the implication that what happened was proper.
3. His fear of failure was a hindrance in his relationship with his son.
4. The film does a successful job of documenting the excitement of a political campaign.
5. They came to the conclusion that the results were invalid.
*Adapted from Peter Richardson's Style
Active versus Passive Voice*
Staging the action of your sentence, that is, deciding whether to focus on actors or actions, involves making a series of important choices beginning with the verb. The most vital of theses decisions concerns voice, a category of the verb that frames the relationship between characters and events.
The two voices of English:
ACTIVE Chris made a mistake.
PASSIVE A mistake was made by Chris.
In active sentences, the source of the action is also the grammatical subject. The main reason to prefer this arrangement is that readers expect to see major characters in the subject slot of the sentence and major actions in the verb slot. When we switch from active to passive voice, we remove the agent:
Active: Leslie kissed Dana.
Passive: Dana was kissed (by whom? Leslie?)
By promoting the direct object, passive constructions put the subject performing the action out of work. But, one can use passive voice as a technique to shape audience expectations. When revising your work, ask yourself the following questions before replacing a passive construction with an active one:
Does my use of passive voice actually help maintain the relevance and focus of the paragraph?
Does it help measure the information? "
Would changing my passive construction to an active one make my writing clearer?
Relevance: In most cases, the audience likes to know who is acting. For instance, we don't usually say that a home run was hit in the second inning, mostly because whoever hit the home run is almost always important information.
Passive: A home run was hit in the second inning.
Active: Joe Blow hit a home run in the second inning.
On the other hand, we rarely hear an announcer say that the umpire called the baserunner out. No one cares about the umpire, and besides, who else would make the call.
Passive: Joe Blow was called out.
Active: Mr. Plough called Joe Blow out.
Measuring the information: What if you want to highlight the direct object? Sometimes, passive constructions promote a key term to the subject slot. Because readers expect to see central characters in that slot, the term receives more attention than if the author had buried it in the middle of the sentence. Depending on the circumstances, passive constructions can help one maintain topic continuity - that is, the development of a single topic, kept in sharp focus throughout the paragraph.
Clarity: When a passive sentence is convoluted, overly abstract, or just plain fouled up, switching to the active voice usually helps. The correlation between passive constructions and unclear sentences is what prompts the standard advice about voice.
Activity: (Review the voice decisions in the following passage, and revise where necessary)
Science is made by human beings, a self-evident fact is far too often forgotten. If that fact is recalled here, it is the hope of reducing the gap between two cultures, the humanities and science. Science rests on experiments; its results are attained by talks among those who work in it and consult one another about their interpretation of these experiments.
*Adapted from Richardson Ch. 4
Apostrophes: Use and Abuse
Apostrophes are among the most misused elements of punctuation, but they have only two proper uses: to mark contractions or to demonstrate possession.
Contractions - A contraction is a word formed by, for the lack of a better term, the squashing together of two separate words. One hallmark of a contraction is that they do not include all of the letters in the two original words. For example, "don't" is the contraction of the words "do not", but the "o" in "not" does not appear in the contracted form. Instead, an apostrophe takes the place of the "o"; replacement of a missing letter is the function of an apostrophe in a contraction. Examples of contractions (with the words from which they're contracted under them) include: I'll doesn't haven't she'd we've he's I will does not have not she would we have he is or or she could he was or she should
Possessives - Apostrophes are used to show ownership when they make a noun possessive. They NEVER make a pronoun possessive. For example, the phrase "Eliza's house" means "the house belonging to Eliza."
How to make a noun possessive depends on whether the noun is singular or plural.Singular nouns are followed by " 's" to make them possessive.
Examples:
Dave's guitar, Erika's cat, the professor's lecture, his sister's car
Even if a singular noun ends in "s," grammatical rules dictate that you must add " 's."
Examples:
Charles's foot, the class's opinion, Mr. DuBois's speech
Plural nouns are just a bit trickier. If a plural noun ends in "s," place an apostrophe after the "s."
Examples:
the Smiths' boat, the dogs' fights, the teachers' opinions
Plural nouns that don't end in "s" are followed by a " 's" to make them possessive.
Examples:
the women's network, the children's artwork
Often abused apostrophes - "It's" and "its" as well as "who's" and "whose" seem to confuse many beginning writers. Remember, I mentioned above that apostrophes are never used to make a PRONOUN possessive, so if you want to show possession, use:
The bird fell out of its nest.
NOT
The bird fell out of it's nest.
OR
I wonder whose car this is.
NOT
I wonder who's car this is.
The second sentences in each pair above mean "The bird fell out of it is nest" and "I wonder who is car this is" - and that kind of error is hardly impressive at the college level.
Plurals and possessives - Beginning writers also often use apostrophes in nouns that are simply plural.
For example, write "Aletha needs eight dollars for lunch" and not "Aletha needs eight dollar's for lunch"; the dollars in that sentence don't possess anything, and "dollars" isn't a contraction of two other words, so it doesn't need an apostrophe.
Apostrophes: Test your level of use or abuse
Using the handout that you've just received, review the following sentences for their correct use of apostrophes. Circle "correct" next to the sentences that use apostrophes correctly, and "incorrect" next to the sentences that abuse the rules of apostrophe usage. Ready? Go!
1. Correct Incorrect Whose book is that?
2. Correct Incorrect That book is her's.
3. Correct Incorrect She like to read about frog's and lizard's.
4. Correct Incorrect I don't like Mondays.
5. Correct Incorrect Eliot thinks its too hot to walk to the store.
6. Correct Incorrect Amanda's dog lost its collar.
Resisting Clichés
A cliché is "an expression made stale and boring by overuse" (Rinehart Handbook for Writers 720). "The pioneer who first announced that he had 'slept like a dog' no doubt amused his companions with a fresh and unlikely comparison. Today, however, that comparison is a cliché, a saying that has lost its dazzle from overuse. No longer can it surprise" (A Writer's Reference 156).
Please note the following list of clichés:
in today's society / loud and clear / stand by and watch / red-blooded / speak out / children are our future leaders / children are the future / many a person / alive and well / time and effort / since the dawn of man / we as a society / ready and willing / since the beginning of time / wisdom of the ages / stand up and be counted / long and arduous /stand courageous / comes full circle / long, hard look / getting into the act / the rest is history/ it's a fine line / never ending cycle / the list goes on and on / light at the end of the tunnel / white as a ghost / water under the bridge / selling like hotcakes / starting out at the bottom/ playing with fire / the end is in sight / beat around the bush / nutty as a fruitcake / dead as a door nail / couch potato/ light as a feather/ crystal clear / busy as a bee (beever) / out of the frying pan, into the fire/ blind as bat /avoid clichés like the plague / cool as a cucumber
Clichés lure us into their grasp because they are such familiar friends. Politicians invoke them like mantras and high school football coaches would never know what to say without them. They sound fine, or at least tolerable, to us, especially when we are tired and trying desperately to write anything. But you can write better, more interesting sentences if you teach yourself to resist clichés in favor of your own original language.
As a cure for cliché's, Diana Hacker offers the following:
The cure for cliché's is frequently simple: Just delete them. When this won't work, try adding some element of surprise. One woman, for example, who had written that she had butterflies in her stomach, revised her cliché like this: If all of the action in my stomach is caused by butterflies, there must be a horde of them, with horseshoes on. The image of butterflies wearing horseshoes is fresh and unlikely, not dully predictable like the original cliché.
Colons and Semicolons
The following refers to the most commonly accepted usage of colons: when used in complete sentences, a full independent clause must always precede a colon.
Once one meets this basic criterion, one may use colons
a. to introduce a list, word, phrase, or sentence
b. to introduce an elaboration of what was just said
c. to introduce the formal expression of a rule or principle
One can use colons between independent clauses if the second independent clause summarizes or explains the first.
Other common uses include
a. Placing a colon after a salutation of a business letter and in the heading of a business memo
b. Indicating hours and minutes
c. Showing proportions
d. Separating titles from subtitles
e. Separating city from publisher and date in bibliographic entries.
The following refers to the most commonly accepted usage of semicolons:
Place semicolons between independent clauses not linked by a coordinating conjunction
Ex. Juliet had completely broken her Walkman; still, she kept it as a reminder of the eighties.
Ex. Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. -H.L. Mencken
Place semicolons between items in a series when the items contain commas
Ex. The students present at class included Jeff, the one everyone called a dork; Rachel, the major brown-noser; and Keith, the ultimate overachiever.
Place semicolons between independent clauses linked with a transitional expression - for as list of transitional expressions, see Hacker pg. 260.
Ex. Revision is an essential part of good writing; nevertheless, many Writing 140 students ignore this final, but essential, step.
There is, in my view, a "golden rule" that should always inform one's usage of semicolons: for the most part, use a semicolon only where you could also use a period.
Practice! Use colons or semicolons when necessary in each sentence.
1. Joaquin enjoys history, math, and psychology but faith prefers music, science, and art.
2. Kurt Cobain is still the most recognized member of Nirvana his last days alive were years ago.
3. I ordered three items from Amazon.com a book, a CD, and a magazine.
4. I plan to go to Finland next summer however, I don't plan to learn Finnish before I go there.
5. You need the following for snowboarding boots, a board, an attitude, and a warm jacket.
6. He has trained for the Olympics for months unfortunately, he broke his wrist yesterday.
7. You obviously won't be able to go to the party you simply have too much to do.
8. Romeo is interested in building things consequently, he plans to major in architecture at USC.
9. After a sleepless night, the senator make her decision she would not seek re-election.
10. Music is more than a mechanical arrangement of sounds it is an expression of deep feeling and ethical values.
Commas
Admit it: sometimes commas frustrate you, don't they? Do you sometimes let yourself believe that commas aren't important? If you do, look at the sentences below, which do not use commas.
A) The koala eats shoots and leaves.
B) The hunter eats shoots and leaves.
C) If you cook Andy will wash the dishes.
Without commas, sentences A and B mean the same thing (that the subject of each sentence eats shoots - probably bamboo shoots - and eats leaves), and sentence C suggests that you're a cannibal! Rewritten, these sentences make more sense:
A) The koala eats shoots and leaves.
B) The hunter eats, shoots, and leaves.
C) If you cook, Andy will wash the dishes.
Now that we've established that commas are important in conveying meaning, here are the basic rules that govern comma usage. Remember, this handout does not contain everything that you need to know about commas, but it's a good resource with which to begin.
1. Use a comma before a coordinating conjunction that joins independent clauses. Remember "FANBOYS" when you need to think of coordinating conjunctions: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so. An independent clause is one that can stand alone as a full and grammatically correct sentence. Example: I initially didn't like No Doubt, but their 1980s-influenced style eventually won me over.
2. Use a comma after an introductory phrase. When you have a word group that CANNOT stand on its own as a full grammatical sentence that sets up an independent clause, you need a comma between them. Example: When I was five years old, a beetle flew into my ear.
3. Use a comma between ALL items in a series. This conveys that each item in a list is separate. Without the comma before a conjunction, you imply that the last two items are connected. Example: Eliza likes sleeping, eating, and wagging her tail. The sentence "Eliza likes sleeping, eating and wagging her tail" implies that Eliza likes to eat and wag her tail at the same time.
4. If two or more adjectives could be joined with "and," they need commas between them. Conversely, if "and" could not join these adjectives, do not use a comma. Example: Professor Kaplan is an intelligent, fair instructor. Example: Six fluffy white marshmallows floated in the hot chocolate.
5. While most appositives need commas before and after them, if an appositive restricts the meaning of a noun, it does not need commas. An "appositive" is a noun or noun phrase that renames a nearby noun. Example: My first grade teacher, a former marine, was the kindest teacher I ever knew. If the appositive restricts the meaning of the noun that it modifies, it does not take commas. Example: My first grade teacher Mr. Hanson was the kindest teacher I ever knew. In the above example, "Mr. Hanson" restricts the meaning of the noun "teacher," limiting it to mean one specific person.
6. Commas should not separate subjects from their verbs UNLESS a comma rule dictates that this must be so. If you're ever uncertain as to whether a rule dictates that you must use a comma, it's probably best to eliminate the comma. Wrong Example: Radio stations that allow disc jockeys to select music, are almost extinct.
7. Don't use comma splices. A comma splice is when you use a comma to join two independent clauses, and it's an error. Use a semicolon or period instead. Wrong Example: I like to eat seafood, however, I don't like oysters.
Common Paper Writing Problems
1. Form. Papers should be double-spaced so that I can make comments on what you have done without squeezing them in illegibly.
2. Give your paper a title. Titles focus your argument and announce to your reader what your perspective will be. Calling a paper, for example, Six Degrees of Separation makes it seem that you will be talking about everything in the play. Calling it nothing implies that you're not sure or don't know exactly what you have to say.
3. Titles of books, plays, and films should be underlined or italicized. Quotation marks are generally used for shorter poems, short stories, journal articles, and book articles.
4. Problems of argument.
a. Too many people begin sentences with "this" or "it" when it is unclear what they are referring to. Usually these words refer to the last few sentences in general and thereby make the movement of the argument very vague. When you find yourself doing this, try to find the noun for which "this" might be the adjective, or to which "it" refers. Doing so will tighten your argument substantially.
b. The events in literature and film occur in the present tense, not the past. AVOID THIS: Paul told the Kittredges that he had been stabbed. Later in the evening he made them dinner and spoke about Catcher in the Rye. WRITE THIS: After Paul tells the Kittredges about his attackers, he makes them dinner and tells them about Catcher in the Rye.
5. Problems of Writing.
a. Pay attention to questions of proper word usage. Sometimes when I mark W/C or "word choice" on your paper, I will suggest a change, sometimes not. In any case, ask yourself what would be a more precise word and why did I question your choice. (NOTE: don't just replace the word in question with some random synonym you've found in a thesaurus. Look up any unfamiliar words before you include them in your essay.)
b. One of the best things to do after writing a draft of a paper is to read it aloud. Does it sound like good English? Would you be able to understand it if you hadn't written it? Are you trying to write over your head and succeeding only in being obscure?
c. Be specific. Don't just assert an idea. Prove it by anchoring it with quotations and argument.
d. Remember what a sentence fragment and run-on are. A sentence fragment is a string of words that begins with a capital letter and ends with a period, but has no primary verb. A run-on sentence is usually two sentences run together that should actually be separated by a period or a semi-colon.
e. An apostrophe either signals a possessive of the noun (the boy's book) or a contraction that eliminates letters (we aren't going home). There are no apostrophes in plural nouns (WRONG: I told the bedtime story's).
f. Its = possessive form of it (what it its name?) g. It's = contracted form of it is (it's time to finish)
The "How To's" of a Counterargument
What is a counterargument? A counterargument is an opposing idea to the main argument of the paper. What is the point of a counterargument? Adding a counterargument to your essay will help to build a platform of credibility that will help you strengthen your argument.
Counterarguments strengthen one's main argument by allowing the writer to show the opposing argument and then refuting that argument with points of his or her own. It also shows that the writer has taken the time to view both sides of the argument and has made an informed decision on the topic. If one can say nothing against an idea, it is probably obvious or vacuous (and if it draws too much criticism, it may be time to consider another thesis). By not indicating an awareness of possible objections, you might give your audience the impression that you have something to hide, and your argument will be weaker as a result.
Tips to writing sound counterarguments:
When writing a counterargument, be sure to state it in a manner that will allow you to disprove all of the points that oppose your argument. Remember not to make your counterargument so strong that it defeats the point you are trying to prove.
A counterargument should be 75% opposing argument and 25% refutation.
The counterargument should be short, precise, and to the point. You may wish to devote a paragraph (or a topic segment) to your counterargument, or you may wish to intersperse short counterarguments into other paragraphs. No matter your approach, make sure to clearly state it so that your reader understands exactly you are trying to argue against.
A counterargument can include concessions, or admissions of weak spots in your argument, if you are aware that weak spots in your argument exist. If you admit to small flaws, you can show your reader that you do not claim to have conceived a perfect argument. Avoid admitting to large weaknesses, however, or admitting to weaknesses without reaffirming the overall strength of your argument.
Avoid ad hominem attacks in your counterarguments. These are comments that belittle those who oppose your position. Such attacks make you sound mean spirited and biased, and that may well alienate your audience.
Introductions and Conclusions
Your introduction needs to complete two tasks:
1) to grab readers' attention, and 2) to set up your argument.
Introductions can be created in several different ways:
Telling a story or anecdote
Providing a description
Providing background information
Stating your argument plainly and directly
Explaining the significance or importance of your argument
Conclusions must convey a sense of finality to your argument, and, ideally, the reader will also glean from the conclusion why they should agree with the writer as well as why the topic is important. Conclusions can:
Revisit the story or description from the introduction
Explain what will happen if your view is NOT adopted
Demonstrate the implications of your argument (in a larger sense, or in a specific example)
For the impression that your essay is unified, it's helpful for the conclusion to somehow tie back to the introduction, whether in content (as in the case of revisiting a story from the intro.) or in style (as in the case of being matter-of-fact when your introduction is stated plainly and directly).
Pitfalls:
Don't begin your introductions or conclusions with a quote. That creates the psychological impression that you have to rely on the opinions of others, and thus diminishes your authority as a writer.
Don't include dictionary definitions as part of your introduction. If you must define a term - which sometimes is an important move to make - do so in your own words. Including dictionary definitions gives the reader the feeling that you are uncertain of your terms.
Don't include information that an intelligent reader will already know. For example, don't say "George Washington, the first president of the United States" - most college-educated folks will know who George Washington is.
Don't include apologies or excuses. Sometimes students will write things like: "Ricardo's economic theories are extremely difficult, but I'll do the best I can" or qualify their theses with phrases like "or at least I think so".
Don't. Simply state what you believe to be true without the wishy-washiness.
If either your introduction or conclusion is shorter than three sentences, you haven't developed it enough. Look through your notes - including these notes that you're writing right now - and develop the paragraph further.
Making Connections: New & Given Information, Nominalization, Antecedents, & Transitional Phrases*
The difference between speaking and writing:
1. Listeners, unlike readers, rely on turn taking to clear up misunderstandings. A listener can interrupt and ask for clarification.
2. If a writer is unclear, readers can only hope that the writer has anticipated their questions and answered them elsewhere.
3. Written communication rarely permits immediate exchanges between audience and writer.
The burden rests on you, the writer, to make clear and explicit connections between your sentences and paragraphs:
1. Lead your reader through your paper - make it easier for him or her to acknowledge and appreciate your main points.
2. When your reader has to guess at the relationship between one sentence and the next, or between one paragraph and the next, readers become vexed and uncooperative.
Part I: New & Given Information
Use elements of conversation:
1. As new information is introduced into a conversation, it is commented upon and eventually becomes given or shared information.
2. New information creates a sense of direction and purpose; given information ensures continuity and provides a backdrop against which new information can be assessed.
3. One's writing becomes boring and repetitive without new information; without given information, it quickly becomes incomprehensible.
Convert the New Information of One Sentence into the Given Information of Subsequent Sentences:
(Example 1: sentence to sentence)
Plain style is communal, its model scene a congregation in which speakers reaffirm for each other common truths that are the property of all. In the theology behind plain style, truth is always simple, and it is common human possession (Thomas & Turner, quoted in Richardson p. 40).
(Example 2: new paragraph)
Classic style views itself as repairing the deficiency of plain style by introducing sophistication and individual responsibility. First, classic writers and readers are an elite community, consisting of those who practice the critical discipline of its theology. Anyone can take up this practice and so join, but the style is aristocratic, not egalitarian (Thomas & Turner, quoted in Richardson p. 40).
The skillful blending of new and given information creates cohesion, clarity, and a sense of purpose, all of which make our papers more coherent and forceful.
Part II: Nominalization
Earlier we practiced converting nouns into verbs, but sometimes we need to reverse that process and convert verbs and other parts of speech into nouns. This process is called nominalization.
Nominalization builds explicit links between sentences.
Synonyms are okay as well, if the noun form of a word sounds too repetitive, predictable, or stark.
Nominalization works especially well when we want to recycle the new information of a previous sentence.
(Examples 1 & 2)
The new technology transformed society. Although it was felt most keenly in the cities, this transformation affected the rural population as well. Sometimes we convert verbs into nouns. Whatever else they may do, such conversions build cohesion.
(Examples 3 &4)
In June, management decided that the entire line needed a new advertising campaign. This __________ was supported by the July sales figures. The politicians thought they perceived a shift in the public's attitudes. Still, there were many signs that this _____________ was inaccurate.
Part III: Antecedents
The term antecedent (Latin for "what goes before") refers to the noun or noun-equivalent for which a pronoun stands.
When a pronoun doesn't obviously refer to what precedes it, we say that the antecedent is unclear.
(Examples 1 & 2, bold pronouns refer to capitalized antecedents)
HADLEY doesn't know it, but she is getting a puppy for her birthday. IT'S THE RUNT OF THE LITTER, but I don't think that will matter much.
Consider the following passage:
About sixty percent of college graduates never read another book after receiving their degrees. About thirty percent never read a book written by someone other than Stephen King. This shows that Americans are reading less now than ever before.
Notice that the grammatical subject of the last sentence isn't especially clear. When an author writes, "This shows that x, y, and z," we want to ask, "This what, exactly?"
To clarify the antecedent in the previous example, we would have to think more precisely about the claim itself.
If we can't answer it, we need to ask why not and consider appropriate changes.
(Examples 3 & 4: identify unclear antecedents) I went to the mall the other day to see a movie and eat lunch. I'm not easily frightened, but I have to admit it was pretty scary. Just because the feature started, they ran a ten-minute sneak preview of an animated film, which was weird. In the memo, the chief financial officer told his assistant that he would run the next audit. It should be noted that this was not considered unusual at the time.
Part IV: Transitional Phrases
One way to connect sentences is with transitional phrases, which indicate the relationship between two or more sentences. Below are some typical relationships, along with the transitional phrases that signal them.
| Relation | Transitional Phrases |
| Addition | and, also, furthermore, in addition, moreover, besides, too, finally |
| Contrast | but, however, nevertheless, although, on the other hand, instead, rather |
| Comparison | likewise, similarly, in the same way |
| Exemplification | for example, for instance, in particular |
| Logical | so, therefore, then, consequently, thus, as a result, accordingly, if . . . then |
| Temporal | after, next, during, meanwhile, before, at the same time |
Experienced readers are on the lookout for such transitional phrases because they mark out an interpretive path through a paper.
(Examples 1 & 2: revise the following passages)
Action movies are very popular now. I don't like them, though. These movies are more interested in explosions and car chases than in character and plot. In Cliffhanger, the director seems to put all his creative energy into the opening sequence.
The linguist was struck by the man's speech patterns. They were characteristic of the local dialect. She had little interest in him as a person. When he asked her to be his teacher, her curiosity was aroused.
*Adapted from Peter Richardson's Style
Paragraph Functions
In college essays, paragraphs with functions different from one another will appear. In a five-paragraph essay, each of the body paragraphs gives examples. That's pretty limited, especially when other functions exist. A paper that contains paragraphs with varied functions is likely to add depth, variation, and cogency to your argument, which will hopefully have a complex and controversial thesis. Most papers won't contain all of these functions, but they should contain body paragraphs with more than one function. A good writer will use these sorts of words as signposts for his or her readers, but won't overuse them - and won't assume that these words are all that's needed for successful transitions. Here's a sample list of paragraph functions, set forth under the transition words that most often introduce the respective functions.
And, Also, In addition to, Moreover, Equally important, Another These are the paragraphs that directly provide support to or evidence of your main thesis.
But, Although, However, Yet, Even though, Nevertheless, Despite, In contrast Paragraphs that address counterargumentation (or viewpoints that oppose your own). Sometimes these paragraphs introduce ideas that complicate your thesis, yet do not disprove it. These are often followed by "therefore" paragraphs.
Therefore, As a result, Thus, Consequently, Accordingly, Because These paragraphs draw a conclusion from a point or points addressed previously in your paper (most likely in the paragraph immediately preceding the "therefore" paragraph), or show what is the direct result of what has been stated in the preceding paragraph.
In other words, So, In fact, Further, Truly, Indeed These paragraphs further develop, restate, or strengthen a point in a way that takes the point further than the previous paragraph could take it, often giving a more specific example or greater detail to clarify a point.
Since, Because Since x is true, then y. These paragraphs use a chain of logical reasoning to prove a point.
First, Second, Third These transition words should only appear when your reader must follow a series of logical conclusions in a particular order. If the paragraphs can appear in any order, don't use these transition cues.
Or, Instead Paragraphs that present options to the previous paragraphs.
Similarly, Likewise, In the same way, In like manner These paragraphs make a comparison or provide an analogy to illustrate a point.
For this purpose, To this end, With this in mind Paragraphs that show a purpose or goal of something set forth in the preceding paragraph.
Craft Work: Parallel Sentences*
Parallelism: If two or more ideas are parallel, they are easier to grasp when expressed in parallel form. Single words should be balanced with single words, phrases with phrases, clauses with clauses.
Examples:
a. This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force. --Dorothy Parker
b. In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current. --Thomas Jefferson
Readers expect items in a series to appear in parallel grammatical form. When one or more of the items violate readers' expectations, a sentence will be needlessly awkward.
Exercises: (re-write the following sentences so that they are parallel)
1. Abused children commonly exhibit one or more of the following symptoms: withdrawal, rebelliousness, restlessness, and they are depressed. ___________________________________________________________________________
2. Hooked on romance novels, I learned that there is nothing more important than being rich, looking good, and to have a good time. ___________________________________________________________________________ 3. After assuring us that he was sober, Sam drove down the middle of the road, ran one red light, and two stop signs before a police officer pulled him over. ___________________________________________________________________________
When pairing ideas, underscore their connection by expressing them in similar grammatical form. Paired ideas are usually connected in one of these ways:
With a coordinating conjunction such as and, but, or or (Ex. 1 & 2)
With a pair of correlative conjunctions such as either … or or not only … but also (Ex. 3 &4)
With a word introducing a comparison, usually than or as (Ex. 5 & 6)
Exercises:
1. At Lincoln High School, vandalism can result in suspension or even being expelled from school. ___________________________________________________________________________
2. Many states are reducing property taxes for homeowners and extend financial aid in the form of tax credits to renters. ___________________________________________________________________________
3. Thomas Edison was not only a prolific inventor but also was a successful entrepreneur. ___________________________________________________________________________
4. I was advised either to charge my flight or take the train. ___________________________________________________________________________
5. It is easier to speak in abstractions than grounding one's thoughts in reality. ___________________________________________________________________________
6. Mother could not persuade me that giving is as much a joy as to receive. ___________________________________________________________________________
Function words such as prepositions (by, to) and subordinating conjunctions (that, because) signal the grammatical nature of the word groups to follow. Although they can sometimes be omitted, include them whenever they signal parallel structures that might otherwise be missed by readers.
Exercise: 1. In an attempt to break their bad habit, many smokers try switching to a brand they find distasteful or a low tar and nicotine cigarette. ___________________________________________________________________________
*Adapted from Diana Hacker's The Writer's Reference
Parts of Speech
This should be a review for you of the basic building blocks of writing - the grammatical parts of speech. If this is new information for you, you'll need to refer to this sheet when reading my comments on your essays, as I refer to the parts of speech to discuss strengths and weaknesses in your grasp of grammar.
Noun - A person, place, thing, or idea/emotion. A concrete noun is something that you can touch, and an abstract noun cannot be touched (like idea, love, fantasy, grief). Some nouns - called count nouns - can be counted (two crows, eight pencils), and nouns that cannot be counted (like rice, dust, work, gold) are called non-count nouns. Examples: sister, school, mitten, religion, sadness
Proper noun - A specific name that is unique to a person, place, company, or other entity. Proper nouns are capitalized. Examples: Albert Einstein, Iowa, Microsoft, Shakespeare In Love
Pronoun - A word that takes the place of a noun. Pronouns must agree in number with the word to which they refer (called antecedents). For example: "A child must obey his or her parent" (not "A child must obey their parent"). Examples: I, he, her, them, they, us, our, yours, you, me, we, his, she
Verb - A word that conveys action or a state of being. Examples: shake, baking, is, seems, were, could
Adjective - A word that describes a noun. Examples: fast, blue, short, twisted
Adverb - A word that modifies or describes an adjective or that modifies a verb. Examples: always, very, quickly, continuously
Article - A, an, and the. "A" and "an" are called indefinite articles because they come before words that aren't specific or that stand in as examples, and "the" is called the definite article because it refers to specific things. The first time you refer to an object, it's customary to use an indefinite article, saving the definite article for when you've already mentioned that object.
Preposition - A word that indicates a relationship between a noun or noun clause and a verb, adjective, or noun/noun clause. Examples: with, toward, near, from, at
Conjunction - A word that joins two clauses. A coordinating conjunction can join two independent clauses into one compound sentence. You can remember the coordinating conjunctions by thinking of the word "FANBOYS" (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So). If you try to join two independent clauses with any other conjunction, you'll create a comma splice (which is a grammatical error). Examples: and, or, however
Quotes and Quoting
Here are a few slick rules to keep in mind to make your papers reflect your careful attention to detail: book titles, movie titles, newspaper names, and names of magazines and journals are EITHER italicized or underlined (but NOT both). Names of articles (whether in magazines, newspapers, or journals) are put "in quotation marks," as are names of essays taken from books that are collections of essays (like "Chinatown and Generic Transformation in Recent American Films" in Barry Keith Grant's Film Genre Reader II).
Use quotations:
To focus on a particularly well-stated key idea in a source.
To show what others - ideally, experts, but sometimes people involved with the subject or the general public - think about a subject.
To add interest, power, or character to your argument.
To show a range of opinion.
To clarify a difficult or contested point.
To demonstrate the complexity of an issue.
If you don't have a reason that you can identify to use a quote, then it is frighteningly likely that your reader will sense this. The reader will then assume that you are only using quoted material as "filler;" in other words, the reader will think that you can't fill the length requirement for the paper and are simply using quotes to make up for your own deficiencies. If your reader is also assigning a grade to your paper, this presents a problem for you, so always know the reason that you select a quote!
Tags:
NEVER let a quote simply speak for itself. The reason that most instructors require you to use quoted material in your papers is so that you can show your mastery of understanding written material. Therefore, if you simply have a quote without an attributive tag, your instructor may not be able to tell that you understand the source that you have used. For example,
"Throughout much of the developing world, globalization is seen not as a term describing objective reality, but as an ideology of predatory capitalism"
does not show your reader what's important about this quote, nor does it let the reader know who said this. But if you use an attributive tag, and parenthetical documentation, you can rectify these problems:
Annan explains that, "[t]hroughout much of the developing world, globalization is seen not as a term describing objective reality, but as an ideology of predatory capitalism" (Annan 1), which probably comes as a surprise to most Americans.
The more specific your tag, the better you can convey your intended meaning. Remember, you can use brackets (as in the above quote showing that you've changed a lowercase letter to a capital) to help weave the quote into the grammar of your sentence. Here's a list of helpful verbs of attribution:
accept / add / admit / affirm / allege / argue / believe / claim / confirm / contend / declare / deny disagree / emphasize / insist / mention / posit / propose / reveal / say / state / think / verify
Keep in mind that, as these words have distinct meanings, you need to be aware of the meaning of the word that you choose - so if you don't know what a word means, look it up in the dictionary before you use it!
To Be or Not to Be
Some of you may have worked with teachers in the past who told you never to use "be" verbs. By "be" verbs, I mean any form of the infinitive "to be:" am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been. I won't forbid them altogether, but I would like for you to exercise caution in your use of these verbs. Why? Because writers often use "be" verbs when another, more specific verb would convey information more precisely. Precision and specificity characterize thoughtful, forceful writing. Also, "be" verbs often indicate use of the passive voice, which you should consider a grammatical "no-no."
Hints for writing "be" verbs out of your writing:
Look for the phrases "there is," "there are," or "it is," which indicate the need to select stronger verbs
Look for "be" verbs paired with verbs ending in "-ing" - this indicates the present progressive verb tense, and you should use simple present tense instead.
Look for passive voice constructions, or sentences in which the "doer" of the action either does not appear or performs as something other than the subject of the sentence.
Examples of Weak Verbs appear below, categorized by the type of "be" verb usage they employ. I've also provided alternatives that do not contain "be" verbs. Use these as models for eliminating unnecessary "be" verbs from your papers.
Shrek's fear of rejection is more powerful than his feelings for Fiona.
Shrek's fear of rejection exercises more power over him than do his feelings for Fiona.
Since the characters are in such a violent setting, the audience expects them to display "masculine" traits.
Since the characters live [or exist] in such a violent setting, the audience expects them to display "masculine" traits.
OR
Because of the intensely violent setting, the audience expects the characters to display "masculine" traits.
There is an important scene depicting Shrek and Fiona under attack from Robin Hood.
One important scene depicts Shrek and Fiona under attack from Robin Hood.
Verb hiding as another part of speech
Bridget is devastated by Daniel's unfaithfulness.
Daniel's unfaithfulness devastates Bridget.
In the meantime, Catherine is manipulative with her brother Sebastian as well.
In the meantime, Catherine manipulates her brother Sebastian as well.
A woman's desire to appear attractive is often related to her desire for a romantic relationship.
A woman's desire to appear attractive often relates to her desire for a romantic relationship.
Use of present progressive tense
Bridget is searching for love while her friends tell her of the hopelessness of love.
Bridget searches for love while her friends tell her of the hopelessness of love.
Aretha Franklin's "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" is playing in the background as Bridget decides to take control.
Aretha Franklin's "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" plays in the background as Bridget decides to take control.
Passive voice
Similarly, a businessman would not like to be outshined by his secretary.
Similarly, a businessman would not like his secretary to outshine him.
Shrek is used to criticize the superficiality of valuing appearance over substance.
The film uses [or the filmmakers use] Shrek to criticize the superficiality of valuing appearance over substance.
Transitive Verbs versus Intransitive Verbs*
Read over this sentence:
Joseph Conrad believes that the Victorian theory of work as a beneficial barrier to the dark side of human nature is inherently harmful to the human condition.
Most of us will have trouble unpacking the meaning of this sentence. You want to avoid including sentences like the one above in your work. In order to determine exactly why this sentence doesn't work (and figure out how to fix it), we need to review some basic grammatical concepts . . .
Verbs animate sentences, and this fact makes verb choice especially important. But verbs shape as well as power sentences. When we chose a verb, we also choose the sentence elements that accompany it.
For example, transitive verbs require at least one additional "complement," and a verb like "put" needs two extra elements to make it work. One doesn't just "put," one "puts something somewhere."
Examples:
She put the shoes on the bed.
I bought the car.
Chris kissed Dana.
Pat persuaded me to leave the shoes on the porch.
Intransitive verbs don't require complements. But intransitive verbs can take other elements. The customer laughed is a fine sentence, but you can add "at the salesman's joke." This addition isn't required by the verb "laughed" to help complete a thought. Extra elements, then, are called modifiers because they modify rather than complete the meaning of the verb. Grammatically, modifiers aren't necessary, but since we use them to qualify, specify, or limit the meaning of a verb, they comprise an important element of good style. "
Other kinds of modifiers: adjectives, which modify nouns. But let us focus on modifiers as they apply to verbs . . .
Example 3.1 (identify complements)
1) Life in all its complexity imitates art.
2) She endured slander and calumny over her forty-year career.
3) Did you order the tickets for the show on Friday night?
4) In a long and sometime rambling harangue, he cited several failed policies.
5) His principle argument challenges common sense understandings of what is known to economists as the fallacy of composition. "
If modifiers add something to a sentence, then leave them in. But understanding what modifiers are helps one during the revision process: you can cut out unnecessary words.
Example:
Basically, the Sumerians created certain patterns and particular conventions for the making of the human image.
The verb "create" requires one complement to complete its meaning. In the example above we have the following:
Complements: patterns, conventions
Modifiers: basically, certain, particular
W/O modifiers the sentence reads like this:
The Sumerians created patterns and conventions for the making of the human image.
(Streamlined version will do - unloading modifiers can help reduce redundancy.)
Next example:
Personally, I believe that the ability to trim unnecessary or redundant modifiers improves the effectiveness of an author's own writing style.
(Most readers will assume you believe what you say - no modifiers needed. Also, we make life easier for our readers when we leave out unessential words.) Trimming modifiers improves an author's style.
Modifying Phrases (back to the Conrad example):
Conrad believes that the Victorian theory of work [as a beneficial barrier to the dark side of human nature] is inherently harmful to the human condition.
Main verb - believes - is transitive. But what Conrad believes is unclear. Get rid of the modifying phrase and unpack it in another, sentence: By eliminating the phrase we untangle two claims and present them sequentially.
Here's the new version of the sentence:
Conrad believes that the Victorian theory of work is inherently harmful to the human condition.
Just for the sake of doing it, we might speculate about how to unpack that weird modifying phrase in a separate sentence:
Try this - For some 20th century thinkers, the Victorian theory of work acts as a beneficial barrier to the dark side of human nature. But for Joseph Conrad, it is inherently harmful to the human condition. (Of course, other possible revisions exist . . . )
Look at this last example:
The discussion reflected a range of diverse and sometimes controversial opinions about the significance of the upcoming election, as well as a brief but informative summary of the upcoming initiatives.
Think about what words mean metaphorically-what does it mean that a discussion reflects a summary? Can you picture that? Does it make sense? The verb and the complement don't make a good match, and separating them with a string of modifiers only masks the problem.
Try replacing reflected with included.
The discussion included a range of diverse and sometimes controversial opinions about the significance of the upcoming election, as well as a brief but informative summary of the upcoming initiatives.
One could go further here, but the main point is that selecting a good verb does little if we go on to saddle it with awkward complements.
*Adapted from Chapter 3 of Richardson's Style
Verb Choice and Modifier Activity
Review the sentences for verb-complement compatibility.
1. The seminars provide various professional and personal strategies and concepts for greater productivity and self-esteem.
2. The high school experience represents a broad range of social academic, artistic, and athletic endeavors.
3. For these authors, history consists of the deeds of politicians and generals, and not the idea that the lives of ordinary people are important.
4. The Community Center fosters a safe, fun, and stimulating location where teenagers can meet and interact.
5. The presiding officer noted the lateness of the hour as well as the observation that she was getting tired herself.
Review verb choices and eliminate unnecessary modifiers.
1. The Victorian time period had a class system under which cruelty was tolerated and perpetuated.
2. Case studies of marketing mistakes provided the stimulus for a comprehensive and thorough review of competition among brewers.
3. On numerous occasions there is an acknowledgement by the authors of the power of traditional beliefs, sometimes in contrast with technology.
4. In the instance of the different postcolonial writings about indigenous peoples, we see many rational responses to the demands of the aggressor in which the native population acts responsibly.
5. International aid groups had a somewhat lackluster degree of success after the withdrawal of the diplomats from the capital had occurred.
Good-bye, High School; Hello, Unified Essays!*
Many high school teachers utilize a method of writing often known as the five-paragraph essay, which this handout calls a "scattershot essay". This highly structured method begins with an introductory paragraph (which contains a thesis that articulates the three points that the essay will present), contains three very distinct body paragraphs which elaborate on the points mentioned in the introduction, and a conclusion (often beginning with "in conclusion") that restates the thesis statement. This method provides a handy formula, but the problem is that it encourages formulaic and superficial writing, not writing that expresses depth of thought. Hey, you're in college; it's time to engage in thinking that leads to cogent and articulate writing, so ditch this formula!
So, what are you supposed to write? A college essay should have an introduction and conclusion, so don't dismiss those parts of the five-paragraph essay. One thing to keep in mind is that a scattershot essay doesn't tie all of its points clearly to the thesis, and a good college essay will do just that, creating a unified whole rather a series of parts. Here's an example in answer to the prompt "what fundamental change would best improve high school education?".
Scattershot Essay
Introduction
High school education has several problems which must be solved to prepare America's youth for the challenges of the twenty-first century. Overcrowded classrooms mean that students do not receive the individualized attention that they need to succeed. Increasing rates of crime are making students afraid to come to school, and preventing students from concentrating while they are in school. In addition, the lack of technological resources like state of the art computers is preventing students from being competitive in the workplace after graduation. These problems all mean that some students are falling behind.
Thesis
High school education has several problems which must be solved to prepare America's youth for the challenges of the twenty-first century.
This thesis simply states the obvious, and does so quite vaguely ("several problems"). A college paper must take a position against which a rational person could argue, and this thesis is thus not argumentative. High school essays will also often contain lists of argumentative points, so avoid "listy" theses.
Argumentative Points
1. Overcrowding interferes with instruction.
2. Increasing crime makes students afraid or unable to work.
3. No tech resources means students aren't prepared for the work force.
These points, however valid they may be individually, aren't really connected to one another; rather, they simply form a list of problems in today's high schools. Further, the prompt asked for one change, not several - so this also doesn't effectively address the issue set forth in the prompt.
Unified Essay
Introduction
High schools across the country bulge at their seams. As increasing numbers of Americans realize that education is necessary in attaining the "American Dream", our schools grow more crowded. At the same time, budget cuts have caused schools to cut back on the number of teachers. As the number of teachers has dropped, and classrooms have become more crowded, the quality of education in public schools has declined. With a greater workload, burnout among even the best of teachers has increased, and fewer people view teaching as a desirable profession. Solving the problem of overcrowding by strictly limiting class size to a maximum of twenty students would allow more students to receive the instruction they need to become productive members of society; this is the most important goal of high school education in America.
Thesis
Solving the problem of overcrowding by strictly limiting class size to a maximum of twenty students would allow more students to receive the instruction they need to become productive members of society; this is the most important goal of high school education in America.
This statement narrows the topic to one specific problem: overcrowding. It also explains why overcrowding is a problem. A rational person could argue against this thesis, as he or she could view another problem as serving as the worst obstacle facing high school education. Many rational people might also argue for a different primary goal of high school education. This is part of an introductory paragraph that gives readers an idea as to where the essay will "go" without simply listing the topic sentences for the rest of the essay's paragraphs.
Argumentative Points
Some points that this essay might cover include:
1. Primary goal of high school education is to make all, not just some, students productive members of society.
2. Budget cuts cause fewer teachers, which reduces quality of classroom instruction.
3. Teachers experience burnout when classes are overcrowded.
4. In overcrowded classrooms, too many students "slip through the cracks".
All of these points connect back to the thesis. Though their order can vary, some points will make more sense or carry more force if placed before other points. Note that some of these points do not directly appear in the introductory paragraph. The conclusion for such an essay might explain the benefits of implementing changes that would limit class size. Conversely, the conclusion could discuss what negative consequences might ensue if overcrowding continues. Or, perhaps the conclusion could reinforce the importance of education in American society. One thing is certain: this conclusion wouldn't bore the reader with a simple repetition of the points already established.
*The information on this handout was kindly supplied by Elizabeth Guzik.
Verb Choice
Rewrite the following sentences so that they contain strong verbs.
With The Matrix's innovative use of camera work and computer graphics, the movie industry was revolutionized.
The character of Harry Potter does many important spells and charms to outwit Lord Voldemort.
Tiger Woods seems like the living embodiment of multiculturalism and is an important sports figure.
Parking is one of the most serious problems on USC's campus.
Who vs. That
While this may come as a shock to some of you, people and things are different. Things are inanimate objects or lifeless possessions. Some people also categorize animals as things, but that point may be debatable. What is not debatable is that, when writing about people, you shouldn't attempt to deny them their personhood! In other words, don't use "that" to start a phrase which describes people. Here is an example of the problem to which I refer:
OOPS: The firemen that rescued my cat from the tree are all my heroes. Since firemen are people, treat them that way! This sentence treats them as objects.
CORRECT: The firemen who rescued my cat from the tree are all my heroes. There, that's a much more respectful sentence!
This is one of my pet peeves, and it irks me so greatly because it relates to issues of respect; if you're careless and use "that" to describe people, then you'll convey a lack of respect for your subject matter - not a desirable quality in a writer.
Try to avoid irritating your teacher by correctly identifying the word proper to each situation. Circle the correct answer.
1. Allison told me about the tuba player from Oregon who/that came to USC on a music scholarship.
2. The author who/that publishes weekly in the L.A. Times attends my physics class.
3. I ate the pastry who/that Dylan made for the party.
4. The letter I received in the mail told me the names of those who/that won the contest.
5. Forrest Gump is the movie who/that made popular the cliché "life is like a box of chocolates."
6. Beth wants to take her son to a physician who/that provides lollipops after every examination.
Writing Traditions
Traditions help create a sense of continuity, and also provide a sense of familiarity. Traditions in writing serve an important purpose: they show that you understand the traditions of writing (and thus have educated yourself), and they show that you want your reader to feel comfortable and familiar with your writing style. Make sure that, even if you argue a non-traditional stance, you still employ the traditions of writing. These traditions include:
Using present tense, except when the past tense is absolutely necessary (for example, when someone has died, you would speak of their actions in the past tense). Be consistent in your tense, avoiding the present progressive tense ("she was arguing") in favor of the simple present tense ("she argues").
Using a person's first and last name when you initially mention him or her ("George Lucas, director of Star Wars …" ). After that, you may simply refer to the person by his or her last name ("Lucas depicts the characters simplistically …").
When starting a new paragraph, avoiding using confusing pronouns ("He further asserts …") in favor of nouns( "Bruno Bettelheim further asserts …"). This shows that you care about your readers and don't want them to lose the thread of your argument.
Spell out number (twenty-two, not 22) except when providing dates ("August 20, 1987" is correct, as is "twentieth century") or using numbers in quoted material.
When using outside sources, not referring to them within your paper as quotes: "In the quote above, Smith explains …" is clumsy. Instead, try something like: "In this instance, Smith explains …" or simply: "Smith explains …". Also, remember that you're quoting the author; don't say "Smith quotes …". To quote means to provide the direct wording of someone.
Providing the meaning for an acronym in your first use of it. For example, if you write about the FBI, the first time that you mention that agency, you'll writer "the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)". Then, since you've provided the acronym in the parenthesis, you can use "FBI" for all subsequent references to that agency.
Avoiding use of "you." Find other ways to say what you're trying to say, because "you" is informal, and academic writing traditionally is a more formal style of writing. It's also best to avoid using "I," since you don't want to sound as though you think that the world revolves around you. That also means that personal stories and experiences are best left out of your writing unless your assignment specifically calls for them.
Providing answers rather than posing questions. In this class, your writing should be argumentative - and that means that you'll be making claims that you must support. If you pose questions for your reader, he or she may think up answers that don't agree with your stance, and this lessens the force of your argument. Instead, show your readers that you provide answers.
Looking for ways in which you can convey a sense of importance in your papers. Even if the topic initially seems unimportant to you, you need to think about why a reader should care about what you have to say. Does your argument have greater implications that readers should consider? Does your argument indicate a trend in society? Often, your introduction and conclusion are the best places to express this kind of significance of your argument.